||[Oct. 9th, 2014|10:18 am]
Every time I try to log onto Livejournal it says my password is invalid. I blame you, for you did it before. Also, every time the language on my page is reset to Spanish, which I have never done. That part is easy to fix since I speak Spanish. |
Detox. Sober living house. Rehab. Intensive outpatient program. I completed all of them, just waiting for the date to leave and try to "control" the use.
Each time an intense relapse. This time I made my longest progress, 50 days while living with my mom. It only took that long of being cooped up in her house before I took my credit card and split from Chicago late at night. More exiting than returning home to Arizona was knowing that I could get drunk at the airport and on the plane. It only took a few days before I woke up on an old friends couch with pierced nipples sleeping in his clothes. At least I know without asking that he gave them to me so I wouldn't have to be smashed on his couch in a green tutu style skirt in thigh highsocks and a thong.
Then what? I was drunk and He wouldn't let me leave to run away to buy more booze and run away to Texas? After that, chasing guys on Craigslist for sexual gratification in return for cash. I don't remember if I got bored waiting on responses or if I was just too drunk to know that I couldn't care for myself. I walked back to His apartment to try sleeping under his car where he found me on the way home from jail. He was taken in to resolve the domestic dispute. Why wasn't I the one taken? Feminism was not at work here.
He sobered me up. Loved me as He always has. He deserves better than me. Love is tricky. Start the clock back. One day at a time. Easier said than done. But that doesn't mean it is impossible. He we go... another fucking time.